What's in the middle of a jellyfish? A jellybutton.
What do you do with a dead chemist? Barium.
Why are chemists perfect for solving problems? Because they have all the solutions.
Where do you put dirty dishes? In the zinc.
Why do chemists prefer nitrates? Because they're cheaper than day rates.
Atom: I’d like to report a missing electron. Policeman: Are you sure? Atom: Yes, I’m positive!
What's the first thing you should learn in chemistry? Never lick the spoon.
Why did hydrogen marry carbon? Because they bonded so well.
A neutron walks into a bar and asks, “How much for a drink?” The bartender replies, “For you, no charge.”
What kind of ghosts haunt chemistry labs? Methylated Spirits.
Where does bad light go? To a prism.
What’s a nuclear physicist’s favorite meal? Fission chips.
What's the difference between a quantum mechanic and an auto mechanic? The quantum mechanic can get inside without opening the door.
Why is electricity so dangerous? Because it doesn't know how to conduct itself properly.
Q. Want to hear a joke about sodium hypobromite? A. NaBrO!
Q. What did one electron say to the other electron? A. Don't get excited. You'll only get into a state!
Q. What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder? A. You may have graduated but I've got many degrees.
Q. What do you call a Catholic church service that is very, very important? A. Critical mass.
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